HELP THE TRANS SAIBA, WHO NEEDS FUNDS FOR FTM SRS

Can't post face pictures as I am still a woman and I maintain hijab.

My household is an able one and I was always pampered financially. My parents will try to fulfill my kinks if it's within their reach; but if I mention FTM, they might get heart attacks and try to reform me desperately. And everyone will start treating me like someone who lost their mind. I am a married "woman". 19 years old. From Bangladesh. My gender dysphoria got worse recently. I find intimacy with my husband really unpleasant. I also have OCD. I want to have a gender transformation. I know it sounds ridiculous but I pray to my creator eveyday that he make me a male naturally one day. I still hope so; as I have issues that refrains me from even considering FTM surgery. My family isn't bad, actually they are quite doting but that doesn't mean they'll just accept everything. As I am from a pious family, I know that the surgery to change one's assigned gender might not be allowed in our religion. But the me right now doesn't have any conscience as I even started wishing to have died before things became like this. Still, I'm trying to find out if there is still a chance for considering SRS in my religion. Even so I will request everyone to not consider the surgery following me; I am thinking about it recently cause, I started having suicidal thoughts and I feel like a dead person. I'll look more into my religious rules and try to find out if it is permitted considering my condition. Everyone please pray for me. One thing I wanna make clear is that I don't hate my religion and I'm one of the luckiest to have been born into this religion. But I also will lose my chance if I conceive a baby. Even if I do the SRS, I'm thinking of running away from home first even though I don't know if I'll be able to provide for myself. Also my father's friend is higher ranking detective police officer so I might be found out right away and get a really good scolding. But I have no other choice in this matter... I made up my mind to leave home no matter what and that's why I  need financial help for the surgery and T therapy.

If you think that I deserve your help, please donate. Even the littlest amount is precious to the current me.

Thank you!

- Saiba Awda